Purvis Hooper: Professional Chicken Whisperer (National Writing Purvis)

Earlier this week, the NWAWP group had the pleasure of Purvis (Scott, don't do it...out of the gutter)...I mean, Purvis pleasured us with his whispers...no, wait (Scott, I need you to focus on something else...no, some other something else)--Okay, what I meant was Purvis paid us a pleasurable visit. Okay, enough. (I don't think Scott is going to be able to handle this.) Maybe "pleasure" isn't a good word. No, it's a great word, but maybe I'll choose another more appropriate word for the job. (Come on, Scott! No, not that kind of job.)

I'm just going to start over. And regardless of whatever type of innuendo Scott imagines, the show will go on.

On Monday, July 14, world-renowned professional chicken whisperer, Purvis Hooper--a good friend of Mike's--stopped by for a visit on Mike's behalf . Unfortunately, according to Purvis, Mike couldn't be with us until later due to a sudden and violent attack of diarrhea--dying rear? Yes, perhaps.

Anyhow, decked out in full professional chicken whispering attire of straw hat, x-ray specs, and over-alls, Purvis Hooper quickly gained our attention. It was plain to us all that Purvis had come prepared to get right down to business. And that's just what he did.

Not only did Mr. Hooper entertain us with his highly-refined sense of humor and his own brand of clever wit, but he also enlightened and amazed us with heroic--and what I now know to be true--war stories of his many unbelievable feats of bravery in hen houses and cock coops across the nation.

Why, I recall one story in particular that had special meaning to me. A particular cock named... Willie, I think it was...Well, he was down, depressed real bad, hung his head, drooped around all the time, and no matter what they did, they couldn't get him to perk up. 'Til one day they heard about Purvis and called him in to see if maybe he could cure him with his whisperin' skills. And you know what? It worked! He was cured.

The old farmer asked him, "How'd you do it? What'd you say to 'im?"

And Purvis answered, "Well, sir, I can't give away my secrets, so I'll spare ye tha details, but I basically says to 'im...I says to 'im, 'Willie, when you're down and troubled and you need a helpin' hand...' You know, from that Jameson Taylor song...sometimes I intercourse music into my technique...so I kinda sings it to 'im...and then I says, I says, 'Willie, it's okay, son, just remember to always keep yer pecker up.'...an' I'll be dogged if he didn't immediately begin to erectify hisself and smile. So, that's all there is to it, really. Thank ye fer the call. Here's my card if'n you ever should need my services in the future."

Wow! I mean, doesn't that just put chicken bumps all up and down your arms? It does me.

Anyway, his visit was amazing, and afterwards I couldn't help but think how glad I was that Mike had the squirts that morning (no offense, Mike) because if he hadn't, we might never have had the opportunity to meet this great and wise and talented man.

At times, Purvis did come across as a little cocky, I know, but I don't think anyone will hold it against him in the end.

Purvis' list of accomplishments is quite long, so I won't list them all here at this time; however, if you have questions for him, or if you should need assistance with stubborn chickens; chickens with I.B.S.; loose goose-necked chickens; chickens with difficult feet; you name it...any kind of chicken troubles, you can e-mail him at chickenwhisperingprofessionalPurv@cockadoodledandy.com.

Please enjoy this video clip from his recent visit, compliments of Slow Baby Productions, Inc. (If the video does not upload correctly and appear below for your viewing pleasure, please be patient and know that we will work to erectify that shortly.)

Thank you and have a lovely cluckin' weekend,

- S.B.R.